After two or three years together, an assistant often makes many decisions that were never discussed. For Montessori school administrators, this kind of growth can be easy to overlook because the classroom appears to be running smoothly. Some decisions should be confirmed and named. Some should be expanded, with real ownership. A few should return to the guide.
In the first year, a guide and assistant work out who decides what. As time goes by, the years pass. The assistant learns every child’s rhythm, every family’s face, every corner of the room. Routines that once needed explaining now run without a word.
This is one of the quiet gifts of a stable classroom team. It is also where a different kind of confusion begins. Decisions shift without anyone deciding to shift them. The assistant takes on more because it works. The guide lets go because it is easier. No one talks about it, because nothing seems wrong.
A companion post looks at the new assistant, where the work is building trust from the start. This one is about the assistant who already has that trust, and the conversation that long partnerships often skip.
How does decision-making drift in a long classroom partnership?
Drift happens through small, reasonable steps. The guide is giving a lesson when a parent arrives early, so the assistant handles it. It goes well. The next time, the assistant handles it again. By spring, the assistant is the person families talk to at the door, and no one ever chose that.
The same pattern plays out with children. For example, a seasoned assistant knows that one child needs a quiet invitation to come back to work, and another needs a firm boundary. They begin to redirect. They begin to suggest. Often they are right. But the guide may no longer see what the assistant sees, and the child’s path is now shaped by two people without a shared plan.
Drift also runs the other way. Some guides keep the year-one agreement long after it fits. The assistant who has known these children for three years still waits for permission to tie a shoe. That assistant learns, slowly, that their judgment does not count. Some stay and stop offering. Others leave.
Neither direction is a failure. Both are signs that the partnership has changed and the agreement has not.
What are the signs it is time to revisit the agreement?
The signs are rarely dramatic. They show up in ordinary moments.
- Families go to the assistant first with questions about their child’s progress.
- The guide learns about a change in a child’s work after it has already happened.
- The assistant hesitates over routines they have done for years, as if still waiting for permission.
- Children go to one adult for some things and the other adult for the same things, depending on who is closer.
- One of you feels slightly unseen, but would find it hard to say why.
- A change is coming: a new child with significant needs, a shift in schedule, or one of you leaving at the end of the year.
If two or three of these sound familiar, the agreement has drifted. That is normal after a few years. It simply needs a fresh look.
How can a guide and seasoned assistant reset who decides what?
With a new assistant, the conversation builds an agreement. With a seasoned assistant, it uncovers the agreement you already have. The question is not “what may you decide?” but “what are you already deciding, and is that where it should sit?”
Every decision the assistant now makes falls into one of three places.
| Category | What it means | Classroom examples |
| Confirm | The assistant already makes this decision well. Name it out loud so it is owned, not just tolerated. | Running the outdoor transition; supporting a child through a hard morning; adjusting snack or lunch routines |
| Expand | The assistant has earned more responsibility here. Hand it over fully, with clear reporting back. | Leading a small part of the year’s practical life work; first conversations with families about daily routines; observing and recording one area of the classroom |
| Return | This decision drifted to the assistant but belongs with the guide. Bring it back, with reasons and without blame. | Answering families’ questions about progress; changing a child’s work or lesson sequence; decisions about a child’s placement in the classroom |
To have the conversation:
- Each person lists the decisions the assistant makes in a typical week. Write separately first. The two lists will not match, and the differences matter most.
- Place each decision in confirm, expand, or return. Talk through the ones you placed differently.
- Explain every return. A seasoned assistant deserves reasons. “Families need to hear about progress from the person who plans the child’s work” is a reason. Without one, a return feels like a demotion.
- Make every expansion real. Expanding responsibility means the guide steps back, not just adds a task. Agree on how the assistant will report what they decided. A simple handoff helps: “Can I hand this to you? Here’s what I need, and by when. Let me know if anything gets in your way.”
- Ask what the assistant has noticed that the guide has not. After years in the room, this question often brings the most useful answer of the whole conversation.
This conversation can feel delicate. A long partnership carries history and feeling. Start with confirm. Saying aloud what the assistant does well creates the trust to talk about the rest.
Using Honest Talk to confirm, expand, and return
Elizabeth G. Slade’s Honest Talk offers a helpful structure here. In Montessori in Action: Building Resilient Montessori Schools, she describes a culture of honest conversation grounded in growth and clarity. The Montessori Coaching Cards from Public Montessori in Action organize each conversation in three movements: connect, communicate, and collaborate. Each of the three categories calls for a slightly different version.
Confirm and expand are reflective conversations. Focus on strengths. Ask more than you tell. Listen twice as much as you talk.
- Connect: What’s working?
- Communicate: What are you noticing?
- Collaborate: What would you like to choose as your One Little Thing this week?
For an expansion, the One Little Thing can be the first piece of the new responsibility. Growth happens one clear step at a time, even for an experienced colleague.
Return is a directive conversation. It needs clarity, and clarity is a kindness to a long-standing colleague. An Honest Talk statement keeps it direct without making it personal:
- Connect: “I’d like to talk to you about the conversations with families at pickup.”
- Communicate: State what you have observed, focused on facts. Use “I” statements. Name the impact on the children, on you, or on the team.
- Collaborate: “What support do you need with this?”
With a seasoned assistant, that last question is not a formality. They may need help redirecting families who have come to rely on them. The return becomes a shared task, not a verdict.
Credit: The Honest Talk framework, Connect + Communicate + Collaborate, reflective and directive coaching, and the One Little Thing come from Elizabeth G. Slade and the Montessori Coaching Cards of Public Montessori in Action International. See Slade, Montessori in Action: Building Resilient Montessori Schools (Jossey-Bass, 2021), Part III: Honest Talk.
What can Montessori school administrators do for long-standing classroom teams?
Long partnerships are an asset to a school. They also need different support than new ones. Montessori school management software can help schools keep important classroom information, responsibilities, and administrative processes organized as teams grow and change.
Do not assume a stable team needs nothing. Leaders often focus their attention on new hires and struggling rooms. A team that has run smoothly for three years may still be carrying an agreement that no longer fits.
Recognize the assistant’s growth. An assistant who has earned more responsibility deserves to have it named, in their evaluation and in how the school speaks about them. Some may be ready for training as a guide. Ask.
Watch for hidden dependence. If a classroom would struggle without one particular assistant, that is worth knowing before they leave. The decisions they carry should be visible, not stored only in their head.
Plan for change before it arrives. When a guide or assistant moves on, the knowledge of who decides what often leaves with them. A written summary of the current agreement makes the next transition gentler for the children and for the adults.
Frequently asked questions
Why revisit an agreement that seems to be working?
Because “working” often means no one has noticed the drift yet. A short conversation now prevents a harder one later, when a family is confused or one of you feels unseen.
What if the assistant has more experience than the guide?
This happens often, and it can be a gift. The assistant’s experience should shape the agreement, and many decisions may land in confirm or expand. The guide still carries responsibility for each child’s plan and for the relationship with families.
How do I return a decision without hurting the relationship?
Give the reason, and connect it to the children or families, not to the assistant’s performance. Start the conversation by naming what the assistant does well. Return one or two things at most.
Should a seasoned assistant attend parent conferences?
It depends on the school and the team. Many schools find value in having the assistant present to share observations. If so, agree beforehand on who speaks about what, so families hear one clear message.
How often should a long-standing team revisit these agreements?
Once a year, early in the fall, is a good rhythm. Revisit sooner when something changes: a new child with significant needs, a new schedule, or a planned departure.
What if the guide is the one who is new to the classroom?
Then the assistant knows the room better than the guide does. The conversation is still needed, but it begins differently. The guide should listen first, learn the existing agreement, and change it slowly.
Conclusion: a long partnership deserves a fresh agreement
A guide and assistant who have worked together for years have built something rare. The children feel it. The families feel it. It is worth protecting.
Protecting it does not mean leaving it alone. It means looking again at what each person now carries, naming what has grown, and returning what has drifted. Trust spoken aloud holds better than trust assumed.
This week, each of you write down the decisions the assistant makes in an ordinary week. Compare your lists. Start with what you both got right.
At Clever Education Solutions, we build Cordelia, Montessori school management software designed by Montessori educators. We write about the daily work of Montessori schools because the systems that matter most are often the human ones.